Being sad, trying yet again, and Bradgelina

I have noticed that in the last few weeks I am crying at everything. I really mean everything. I am the epitome of the Hallmark card commercial joke. I cry during So You Think You Can Dance...and not even when someone is voted off! I held in tears during Mama Mia for heavens sake. Hmmm....maybe there is something to this and I am really depressed after our last loss. I feel fine most of the time. I am sad, but fine. But then it just hits me and I lose it. I think I am feeling hurt and embarrassed too, which I am sure does not help.

We met with the doctor this week and she said we owe it to ourselves to try twice more with the frozen, and then call it quits. She said if a women has had 8 eggs inside her and did not become pregnant, chances are she won't. Hello pressure! Is that a steam train on my chest or is it just me??!! So, we will wait a few months before giving it the college try (yet again). At least this time I won't be a giant pin cushion and hopefully not a neurotic mess. In the meantime I plan on enjoying my wine, flexible schedule, and free time.

One comment: What is up with Brad and Angelina doing IVF to "save time". Cause it sounds like so much fun and it made it easier? You have got to be kidding me. Plus, she ruins our statistics of success.

Sorry, I am bitter Betty this evening.

Asking Martha and Oprah for help

Well, I have been thinking it is about time Martha and/or Oprah dedicated an entire show (or segment) to infertility. Oprah had on a 31-year-old teacher that has been trying treatments for three years to no avail. This mimics my life completely: age, job, and TTC time. Though this was a great five minutes, it was FIVE minutes. The poor girl barely got to tell Oprah the things we hate to hear. (i.e. It WILL happen; You still have time; You can always adopt).

So, I sent an email to both media goddesses requesting representation. I think many people think of IVF and think of an older woman whose only problem is aging eggs. As I pointed out, there are plenty of us with unidentified infertility, that are still young. As I hope you agree, we need to be heard, understood, and maybe even studied. (could it be processed food? long-time birth control? something in the water?)

Hopefully they think about it and consider how many women and families they can help by offering this program. Stay tuned!

And they are out!

Friday morning we went in for my IVF retrieval. I was way less nervous than last time and things seemed to go a bit smoother. Once I was alert after surgery, the doctor came out with the good news. She took out 30 eggs! I was so excited that I started to cry. Unfortunately I had to get a Hespan infusion and they were concerned about OHSS. I had nausea all day and felt pretty crappy. As the day went on my stomach started to swell up and breathing got a bit harder. The next morning I had already gained 3lbs. I kept up the salty drinks and food, and protein all day. I didn't even eat much all day, but I kept getting bigger and bigger. The doctor called and based on how I was feeling, and with the weight gain, wanted me to come in on Sunday. The good news was that 22 of my eggs fertilized. Thrilling!
We went in this morning and I got weighed again. More weight gain. Ugh! They did an ultrasound and I do have some free fluid behind my uterus, but luckily my ovaries look good. So, we still have to wait and see how things go. More salt for me! They are planning for a day 5 transfer as long as I lose this fluid. I feel huge and like I have lost all muscle tone. I guess this gets me ready for the real deal.
So, Wednesday we go back in again and make some babies!